it’s nearly the end of my 120 days here at the new home…m,j,jl,a… and the neighbor offered to help ease my pile of brush in the driveway as no truck showed up prior. a minor fee is owed which is nothing and I had to alarm it first time for an actual event that occured not that was just planned and canceled this year. yes, you heard me, this is the first time all calender year I had to set an alarm it SEEMS …this is how slow life can be “retired.” Of course the point of this blog is faith – so… often I care and a lot about little things and am shown how low it is upon other’s priorities but that it is noted upon their lists or at least *I* am.
would you have faith that on june sixteenth that you’d get little helps you need after august 25th?
faith to me may be a bit more arduous than your life… I can not drive and these last two years the truck access and even car access has truly thinned. note walking to the store dead middle of blizzard , fiasco a chest (mini) freezer into a car when I know 2 people no 3 with trucks all otherwise occupied, many many many as in more than the digits I posess to count the 2-4 trips to the store it’s cooler but always after the I’m tired cancelled afterall grocery procurements. at least I’ve had most of my major appointment a ride to 
and I’ve managed to give back. but I’m surprised in my 30′s how much it’s dried up to hey your gig you get to it or not as you choose. despite not one but a handful of loud squawks that oh he has a ride… heh. not really. but they sure look good for saying so.
this isn’t a whine. it really isn’t nor too big of a depression. this IS faith. how do you give and also cover yourself without falling under the stupidity of woe is this or that.
for every five dollar cash need you get a ten dollar lunch or something and you’re still out a need yet how can you even possibly say you aren’t abundant…trust me I’m abundant strange not my grandmothers to souls I hardly know do kindly thingsnearly weekly if not daily yet I swear to you I’m even further 8-balled this month than in april facing a roommate /friend with cancer losing all forms of finances mid chemo and my rent going up 20% or thereabouts. *it ended up costing me a, another move PLUS b, more in rent than what I faced anyways …hurumph butat least it wasn’t much. the drawback really was this: c, I went from king of my lil castle to lowest member middle child living with 4-5 ppl commitee style living with no one giving a damn and thus being dethrowned.
financial joys are a fight over a deposit and a loan to move. not your problem and a lost back of meds…where did they go george. I have insulin but surely you might guess it’s hard to gauge my needs as well as with that bag. this is mainly due to going from a planned home to a wing it home. winging it costs me double and I flat out can’t manage me well living like that. so how do I recover and retool my life to plann yet as usual alot for the inevitable poaching that always happens when people see free access to your planning that they spent money on shoes or something and oh yeah I can by 5 freschetta pizza instead of 2 pizza huts!
you all know food just went up for the august season as it always does, but lol 33% ouch.
do you ever have faith enough to at your lowest rebuild it again and smile all the way through the process embracing change?
remember it’s not a whine. surprising not in a delightful way entirely. just a question where the hell did that bus come from? lol
I still laugh at the notion I kiboshed of – no I will not rent a floor buffer for a hospital / institution weighing about 100 lbs which cant touch cement so I’d have to carry to and from the rental place because it’s amazing how busy people get or how expensive rental rates get “oh I’ll get it tomorrow” with 10 bucks a sanding disk to refinish a deck…the deck doesn’t have flush screwing nor nails so count on a LOT of ruineed discs … oh hell no, I have time and yeah that’s the RIGHT tool for the job….but not in my circumstances. hell to the no. but wow I get a belt sander bigger than an orbital job and sis threw the tantrum oddly that oh hell to the no are you interrupting my deck/porch morning smoke brother too up noonish and thus no noise policy til I was sleeping odd hours soI got up at 4-6 which just isn’t enough time before someone returned …only to hear you never finish anything.. classic interfere and not help then bitch.
anyone EVERget annoyed about the not give a shitters pooing on your day? lol lol lol
I mean, it life can fiasco fast. I’m glad I have a few brain cells not enough or I’d have known divinely that the idea was fuck sweat equity /investment we’ll pay and reinburse . we want to hide the disrepairs behind a jungle of greenery and hide hide hide…and oh yeah spend time making the inside with a cattle dog spotless following him about so it’s perfect when I get home then take him for a walk so I can get something DONE.
hears another hard one for me. you lot should know I can’t see well. I can work and have to like anyone else – but I never have learned what corners you might cut and get away with… I wipe down windows best that can be managed without dis assembly , ladders and jazz…don’t remove a screen that’s in place or it may never go in again… netc. bleach the casements til they shine doors and casements vacuum remove the furniture by myself and hand polish the floor and .. someone walks in and mops the floor (does a polished floor need a mopping? no, it makes it duller.) as if in an air that I can’t do my job or it’s not right. – remember if it isn’t right you do not ever get paid… but some days I wonder how the hell can I make that timeframe of completion to standards without having to do it right when other’s cut corners. I don’t give for this paragraph a crap about the time involved I broker the best payments or schedules / avoidances I can. I just wonder how avoid or succeed better like anoyone else. I don’t always feel I do. I have literally listened to a jerk wipe a sink down and get kudos and double pay over me and feel I was one step closer to losing my job. I’ve also done triple the effort to get howled at for doing nothing JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE…shhh I learned long ago that it’s getting CAUGHT doing something not doing it and trusting it’ll be noticed… getting CAUGHT doing it. bit of a hardship considering I don’t spy for opportunities to simp.
faith. believing I do as I do or with positively learn to succeed or avoid lol getting the brambles ends of situations and annoyed. to have grace enough to acheive it my ways and well. or fuck it how to lie cheat and steal undermine dfame shit on others to get ahead… at this point I know it option 2 horrifically unethical for me and a lil late in life to practice that skill set but damn.. I almost do not care sometimes because yeah een a lie of ommission is a lie…straight edge folks straight edge it.
but the point is faith. deep breath. I also find these things amusing. I would however like to be on more of the right sides of things.. working hard is fine but it can be useless working smart is rewarding… I would like to be smart..
lol fine song… sentiment too. as no, it’s shambly bout my thoughts today. but, while many would move away from family to explore their lives – I’ve never really tried to make that choice. I was capable of said minus a bump or two a long long time before I move. my dad left the mortal coils 6 months after I chose to excercise the option. yeah yeah those bummer’s happen- I’m simply expressing a truth. the decisions weight like rose petals gracing ground saw joy’s steps forward. go on, you know it’s just a long sentence…simile you know I can make them. read it aloud 
