January 19, 2012

• down the road

  self improvement – I figured, screw it, I wasn’t getting what i wanted back when this blog started…fine it happens and it’s alll right- but it got me thinking about a lot of things i wanted and wasn’t getting.  time passes and with a lil shine and maybe spitting out some too, here’s what i worked on and get to alert you to:

  • daily ironing heh i still do better to care for things like image even though i personally cant obviously see such narly literally blind and certainly legally blind.  funny that.
  • I still am diabetic which means I can be sugar crazy should i have a bit less of that coping because i have a bit much of the sugar going- well? I do watch and control food intake but barring beating diabetes, I’m likely to be unsettled after meals …sugar goblins… for the forseeable future food ghouls. tonight I had me one after dinner and it upset me catching some words on whatever it was oh sure i’m likely guilty lol- but one isn’t supposed to have words back past contrition!  ooops
  • I’m better at saving though i still have the same long term challenges of no ing spending- at least I’m well fed – five and a half years into  life after i could have been not alive.  for you see i grew up in a faith that doesn’t accept blood transfusions…Jehovah’s Witnesses…and while i may have well over a generation ago chosen not to become one- I don’t and never will be comfortable accepting blood…diabetes medication or any medication with rDNA on the label as it’s source- means? some form of blood is extracted for some genetic coding or factor spliced and diced into e coli typically bacteria and the bacteria is grown a bunch and fed sugar to live easy enough and it secrets  as it’s waste the “goods” now, I’m not thee smartest nor the most lawyerie soul but that means that indirectly ive just consumed a blood product and that makes me ethically squeamish- but apparently not so squeamish i want to die- but hey religion is religion is you follow one honor dictates to the best of your ability you follow every tenant even if such means your life-  honor is honor.  I’m not of that faith so i live- but i’m dubious even today some.  I don’t like the subject of ethics and religion to cut so close or to cause me conflict. even little ones  but the choice was made and i live.  insulin used to be an animal product which doesn’t bother me ethically as an omnivore five and a half year after i showed I have to better manage what i eat . oh now I love to cook but shucks no cokes, too many beers etc i have ways to prove i survive challenges.  …see half a page, mentioned food.
  • I bought a new camera today which while relating to the above challenge of saving/spending yes, here’s a difference.  even now I’m not penniless- even if I didn’t manage to save a very important thing happens now more and more-  I didn’t go out gambling like i might have a decade or more ago and came home with a tear in a beer somewhere sainara to cash, I have a bit more to show for my choices.  I’m happy and comforted by this
  • my credit score rose thirteen point. literally if it does that again soon i’ve acheive a goal 3 or so more months on that front- but the milestones of where i was literally a decade ago destitute for oops went on trip and returned a day late to respond to something that cost me? 2 years nearly income- I wasn’t working that instant and on ssi-  nearly 8 years nope exactly eight years to today i have ssdi- a simple to you acronymn addition  but that one letter makes a world of difference in empowerment to me- that difference of letter means i’m not indigent and disabled i’ve worked more than the five years it typically takes to qualify for ssdi or what medically disable workers get it took over ten years to acheive…. ahh just starting out in life…sometimes you have to restart again and again that stalled vehicle and such not
  • I’ve learned that a lil magic can and does happen.  one of my favorites is to see today markyet another month i’ve never missed a day yammering with a friend it’s been five months now or one hundred and fifty-two days.
  • and one of the best kindness this one helps me see is that i don’t have to focus on the obvious flipside of perhaps my “least favorite magic” 
  • I’mhappy thus to report that  while i may have faultered on the d
  • one hardship is that i can not say i’m chosen -  as in fully invested in i work on finding that reality. duh this means that my lot is seemingly to find this all on my own as i’m stubborn/independant that way but duh thank a good number of you for helping as friends along that way i will be nice and not mention names and lessons helped with.
  • to remind you of what i’m after, this year the only stated goal that really counts is that i learn to not let other folks successes especially those oposite of my aims be an invalidation to me.  I’m not saying any of us will go unaffected by others…that would be very boring…but there is no reason that I can’t look myself in the eye after seeing someone succeed and feel worse for it. why ? because they succeed doing the opposite of my intention with what works for them… yeah?  well it’s hard sometimes to genuinely care for others if their success costs me seemingly mine- which needn’t be true even if i love you and we disagreee and oh say oops i didn’t with a “battle” or the war” so long as i survive i’ve won so to speak  of course i can… do this, i just want to be better at it!

   

  another step upon that road to a bit more self empowerment- again thank you to all who help – is growing in what of this i can wield.  to give- hopefully wisely.  oh now, of course i’m sure I’ve blown it- the opportunity to be wise here or there and a good many balloons up in my 13,500 some days spinin around in circles   but while that happens, I’m sure that you can see the point of this spinning about isn’t the dizzy fall down, but getting twirling again.

  1. my house is cleaner more often
  2. I’ve better sugar control and I improve with that and a pile of other health factors …knock on wood…
  3. I’ve decades  milestones on some of my efforts coming to fruition
  4. I volunteer again simply for the joy of it..which reminds me i had better get to bed or i’ll miss tomorrow’s installment of bingo trivia
  5. I’ve survived changing roommates for a change without having to move…it’s nice when that happens

  and?  I’m down the road.

   

  apparently i bought a fairly substantial camera.   12.1 megapixels, 50% more optical zoom- digital zoom often sucks, nice color pallette which to me is pleasure…the colors…. 24% off going market for a floor model… I might kinda actually want to take pictures again… no offense i hated that pentax from the day it became mine it’s color rendering is harsh to me. …it stopped reliably reading the card which means the card is shot perhaps but i just bought the card i give- it didn’t work the last big outting out.  it’s worth a new card and a gifting to another 10 bucks to give someone a camera who might want one- that’s for a card and a card reader know someone that needs a camera talk at me  

   

   

   

   

  • 7:09 am
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